You might be wondering
whatever it was that I did in the last 50 years. What I did is what a man
marooned on a desolate island does. He waits and hunts for sustenance, until he
goes mad and shoots himself with that one bullet and single gram of gunpowder
he was given to do it. Trust me, I am not mad, I am completely and inherently
sane, and I sure as hell am not just about to shoot myself out of it. I have
looked far and wide for Kyoko but no, I have always found her, that infernal
being that is always offering to ferry me across the chasm called afterlife
into an eternity of torment. I think that she has offered me another choice as
well, to be her agent, a catalyst to give her what is hers in the currency of
the reaper- souls. To tell the truth, I think I have even lost my love to
Kyoko, and started loving her, no, adoring her. Imagine adoring someone that is
here only to take you away to your sepulchre.
And I think I know why she
is here with me – because I am the last living thing with a soul on planet
earth. I love her now, and she is going to stay with me forever in this
desolation.
All I’ve written now is in
the language of a religious man, a superstitious man, which I was not, before
the Folly. I guess people become that way in isolation. I was once a man with everything there was,
and now I have only a single knife, a notebook, charcoal and her with me. Such
is the condition when love’s labour is lost. Laugh is what I am supposed to do
now, shuffle lewdly towards an end I know not, and she is here to guide me
through this labour of love.
I’ve read, and only read
because there is no way to test this, that people go mad in isolation and go
haywire to destroy everything they see. All my existing life before the Folly,
I realize, I had been in isolation. Nope, you read that right. I was isolated
before a universal isolation. In the last few years of my life I realized that
no person came to me and talked, and they just wanted to keep their distance
from me, well, guess what? Fuck them. I say Hell take you, bastards, and spit
you back to die again. This is a testimony forged in what is pain not felt.
Society is an illusion that the intelligent maggots called humans developed to
restrain a social mind from falling apart. We don’t need society to live freely
and enjoying life. We are happy aren’t we, my love?
She never speaks, ever. Well,
that is how it is. Wonder how you people still live after all that has happened
when you were not. To hell with that! So yes, it will be safe to say that I am
no longer alive if you are reading a transcript of this or listening to the
original or a copy of this recording. This is an update: I am a religious man
now. The church did well to kill my parents, fucking pair of faggots. Well, I
don’t pity any of them; they go to hell for a thousand sins. I am ashamed to
call such an unnatural pairing my filial generation. I will be going to hell as
well probably, for being alive longer than which is natural.
I found Kyoko yesterday. She
was basking in the glory of midnight sun in Norway. I went to her and tapped
her lightly on the shoulder. She turned around and smiled as warmly as she
could at me. I cried a lot afterwards.
“Hello, my love”, she said.
“It’s been long”, I sobbed.
“Yes it has. I’m glad that
you are safe and still faithful to me”, she said.
“I’m afraid you are deceived”,
I regained my composure and said “I have found her.” I pointed in her
direction.
“Who are you talking about?”
asked Kyoko.
“Her”, I answered, “She’s
right there, can’t you see her?”
“Who are you talking about?
There is no one there!” she said, exasperated.
“Well you can play your little
games forever, but she says hi, and that she is soon going to take you into her
underground palace...”said I.
“What? Okay, will you just
calm down please! You are scaring me more than what’s possible!” she said and
laughed meekly.
“Oh let it be!” I exclaimed
“let’s go to sleep”
“Yes, let’s”
So, now she’s sleeping
soundly in a nook under a boulder by the fire. I still have the knife from Düsseldorf
with me, and I am debating on listening to Her or not. She whispers in my ear
to carve out my wife’s long forlorn face and eat some meat for the first time
in 50 years.
Good night, reader.
I have done it. I have
successfully destroyed my wife’s face. I am laughing hysterically like a
maniac! It was so exhilarating and winding and extraordinary! I destroyed the
one link in my past. First, I cut her mouth open into a hideous ear-to-ear
grin, then I gauged her eyes out with the handle of the knife to make it more
painful, I then carved 50 tally marks on her face to show the 50 long years she
hid from me in this dismal world. I lay bare her bosom, and ripped open her
torso from the neck down to the genitals and tied her up in her own intestines;
I burned her then so that she could never see Heaven and be condemned straight
to hell!
And do you know what? I am not remorseful. All
I did was for my own good. Being selfish is a survival instinct, and I have
embraced it to the brim! And also, I am not responsible for her death; I have
just done what I was told!
By her!
It’s so sweet in this world
in the middle of the night when the unnatural rays of a midnight sun shine upon
your masterpiece. It is the first time that I have done this unholy but
redemptive deed, and I might do it again...
I ask myself only this at
this moment-
“Why is dawn so beautiful in
a moment where the sun never set?”
And now, it’s time for a
feast to glorify the ominous dawn!
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